Usagi, Makenai!
by Usa
Summary: Usagi doesn't believe she's talented and friends don't help her self-esteem any. Set during the famous R break-up and co-written with Emiri. R&R!!
1. Default Chapter

Title: Usagi, Makenai!  
Authors: Usa (Usako0@aol.com) and Emiri (bunny_s_@hotmail.com)  
Rating: PG  
Authors Notes: Guess what! We've completed "Who Am I". I'm going to post it after I post this so look out for it! Thanks for the reviews!  
  
  
***********  
Usagi, Makenai!  
Part 1  
By Usa and Emiri  
***********  
  
^^^^PRESENT^^^^  
  
Two weeks ago I could have told you I wanted to end it all... It started with the class project. Haruna-sensei told us our class was going to have a Talent Show for the Cherry Blossom Festival. Naturally, everyone in the class turned to me. One boy even shouted, "'I wonder what Tsukino-san is going to do! Eat or sleep, probably!"   
  
I tried not to show them my tears, but it's hard not to when the whole class is laughing at you. I used to be able to keep inside, ignore comments like, "She's a ditz."   
  
As if that's an explanation! I may be a ditz, but I have feelings too! Nothing is going right for me. I feel like the whole world is forcing me to do something and I can't breath.   
  
My friends are the worst! Ami-chan tells me I should study more. She doesn't realize that I do study, but it never seems to do me any good. Mako-chan and Rei-chan tell me to be a better Senshi and Minako-chan tells me to be more like a Princess. Why can't they accept me for who I am!   
  
Mama and Papa seemed to have given up on me... They don't yell at me to wake up or do my homework. And Shingo... well, lets just say he hardly speaks to me anymore.   
  
There's one person through this all who I thought was leaving me for good. My Mamo-chan. Until that day we were together again, I was going to do it... End it all.   
  
***********   
  
^^^^FLASHBACK^^^^  
  
"As you all know, the Cherry Blossom festival is coming up in a month's time," Haruna told the class one morning. "This year, we will be having a school-wide talent show. I expect you all to participate in it."   
  
I inwardly sighed. This was NOT going to be good. I'm not good anything at all!   
  
"I wonder what Tsukino-san's going to do! Eat, maybe sleep?" one boy shouted.   
  
Everyone laughed at his joke. Haha, hilarious, I thought. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. Why do they always pick on me!   
  
I hurriedly asked Haruna-sensei if I could use the restroom. I had to get out of there!   
  
"You have 3 minutes," Haruna replied.   
  
I ran out without replying to her. As soon as I got to the bathroom, I began crying harder. Why? Why can't I be good at anything? Why am I so baka!?   
  
My head snapped up at the sound of the door. I cringed. It was the meanest girl in the entire school! Fughi Miaka...   
  
Miaka always wore army clothes and smoked literally a box of cigarettes a day. She didn't like anyone in her way... and guess who was at this particular moment.   
  
"What's your problem?" she snarled   
  
I tried to wipe away my tears, to no avail... "N-nothing," I stammered.   
  
"Oh, did the poor baby fall down the stairs again?"   
  
"I-I gotta get back to class," I reply, moving past her.   
  
"Not so fast." She grabbed me.   
  
"N-nani??" She was squeezing my arms hard.   
  
"Where you off to in such a hurry?"   
  
She was really scaring me now. "I told you, I have to get back to class."   
  
"Oh? Are you afraid of me?" She sneered.   
  
I only stared at her, but I had to look away. I am going to be in so much trouble.   
  
"Don't get in my way again," Miaka said finally. "This is *my* bathroom."   
  
"H-hai... can I go now?" I didn't want to have to deal with Miaka anymore than I needed to.   
  
"Fine." Miaka's eyes narrowed and she pushed me away.   
  
Sighing with relief, I turned and ran back to class.   
  
************   
  
Finally, the school day is over with! I told Ami-chan and Mako-chan that I would meet them at the Shrine as I had to pick up Chibiusa and take her home. This is exactly what I need... All she'll do is talk about how her Mamo-chan, excuse me, Mamoru-san, took her to get ice cream and this other stuff.   
  
I really don't want to hear about that. I miss him so much and I still don't know why he broke up with me. I don't feel like I'm wanted or needed in this life.   
  
"Hey baka! You're late! I coulda been home and back already!"   
  
"Shut up, brat! I didn't even have to come get you!" Kami, I really didn't want to snap at her, but I'm not in the best of moods.   
  
"Usagi! You really shouldn't raise your voice to her!" That was Mamo-chan... "She's just a child."   
  
"But she..."   
  
"Nevermind. You can go on to the Shrine. I'll take Chibi-usa home."   
  
I watched them walk away. Damn these tears! Why do I keep crying over him? *Because you love him!* "I do..."   
  
************   
  
I reached Hikawa Shrine five minutes later and slowly made my way up the stairs. Hopefully one of the girls told Rei-chan what I had to do or she'd be yelling at me today.   
  
Imagine my surprise when I saw 4 girls chatting aimlessly about their talents. "I'm a great singer! Everyone tells me so!" Rei exclaimed.   
  
"I'm a great cook!" Makoto said.   
  
I just watched them from the doorway. They hadn't noticed me yet.   
  
"I'm so kawaii!" Minako exclaimed. "Not much I can do with that...but maybe I'll be an idol one day."   
  
"And you're so smart, Ami-chan," Minako said when Ami didn't speak up.   
  
I guess Rei-chan didn't notice me standing behind her... "And well, we all know Usagi-chan isn't really good at anything."   
  
I gasped. Her too! She turned when she heard me. "Uh... Usagi... Well, you can't blame me for stating the truth!"   
  
  
I sighed in defeat. "When you're right, you're right. I'm going home now. I guess since I'm talentless you guys won't need me... Sayonara!"   
  
"Usagi-chan, matte!" Minako called out.   
  
I face Minako, tears streaming down my face. "Nani?"   
  
"What's the matter? You must have some talent, Rei was only joking..."   
  
"I don't think so, Minako-chan," I say, with a sad smile. "All I can do is eat, sleep, and klutz out, ne?" I leave, this time ignoring their calls. 


	2. 2

************  
Usagi, Makenai!  
Part 2  
By Usa and Emiri  
Disclaimers in Part 1  
************  
  
Two days later and nothing has changed. Not that I expected it to so fast. I am so depressed! Nothing is going my way. I haven't been doing any homework, I haven't been going to any Senshi meetings, I haven't been shopping or to the arcade. I go there and I feel like people are talking about me. Saying how untalented I am... How much of a ditz or a crybaby I am. It hurts so much.   
  
I haven't spoken much to my parents. To tell you the truth, I haven't spoken to anyone really. And no one seems to want to check on me... Is it worth it? Is it worth not feeling wanted, needed? Can I ever feel special? Everyone else does...   
  
What's the point? Maybe I should... I should just end it here and now. I can't stand sitting around and just waiting for my life to get any better. As far as I know... it might not.   
  
I look over on my desk and see my star locket. I received it from Endymion so long ago and then again from Tuxedo Kamen, Mamo-chan. I loved the song it played... now I hate it. I hate what Mamo-chan is doing to me. He was the one force I couldn't be away from. The one person who understood the inner workings of my mind. He didn't care that I was a ditz or a crybaby. I was just... Usako.   
  
Now it doesn't seem to matter to him whether I'm dead or alive. Well, maybe it does, in some way. He still protects Sailor Moon.   
  
I shove the locket into my dresser drawer and eye a pair of scissors I see in there. I think about it for a minute, but something tells me... not yet.   
  
************   
  
I was walking home from school when I heard my name being called. It was Ami-chan. "Konichiwa," I said. I'm sure my sadden features could be seen. I don't even look like myself anymore with the odangos falling out a bit.   
  
"Usagi-chan, what's wrong? You haven't been yourself lately?"   
  
"I'm fine, really," I told her, waving her question off. "I've been busy."   
  
"With what?"   
  
I should have known she'd ask me that! "Uh, family stuff..." I lied.   
  
"Is everything alright at home? You've been so pensive and withdrawn latey..."   
  
"Everything's fine. We've just been busy, that's all." I had to get out of this line of questioning... "Ne, I have to get to the store for Mama... Ja ne!"   
  
"Usagi, matte!"   
  
I looked at Ami and realized what she saw. I had waved to her... The cut on my wrist. I cut myself a bit on purpose last night. It made my emotional pain go away for a while... "Nani?"   
  
"What did you do to your wrist?" Ami's eyes narrowed. "You cut yourself on purpose, didn't you!"   
  
"Nani yo?" I exclaimed. "Why would I do that?? You know how much of klutz I am, Ami-chan."   
  
"Usagi-chan, I know something's wrong. You've gotta tell me, I'm your friend and I want to help you."   
  
I smiled at her, probably unconvincingly. "If I wasn't all right, I'd tell you. I gotta go now.   
  
"Usagi-chan, onegai...we want to help you if something's wrong."   
  
"Nothing is wrong!" I ran off before she could say anything more. 


	3. 3

************  
Usagi, Makenai!  
Part 3  
By Usa and Emiri  
Disclaimers in Part 1  
************  
  
I walked over to the Juuban Park bridge. I felt bad for not confiding in Ami-chan, but I've been like this for a while now and her, of all people, finally asked me if something was wrong. Why couldn't she come to my house sooner? Do I have to be dead for people to realize something was wrong?   
  
Sighing, I climbed onto the railing. I sat and stared at the water for a while. The water's lucky. It comes for a short visit, then flows wherever the current takes it. I'd like to be like that too.   
  
"Is this spot taken?"   
  
I turned my head. "Mamo-ru-san!"   
  
"Usa...What are you doing here?"   
  
"Nothing, really," I said, looking back at the lake. "Thinking..."   
  
"About what?"   
  
I barely noticed the tear fall down my cheek. "It's not important. Besides, why would care? Why would anyone care? I'm just a klutzy, crybaby, ne?"   
  
"You're more than that, you're--" Mamoru looked away, stopping. "Why do you think that? Is it because of 'us'?"   
  
"It's... everything." I look longingly at the water. It seems peaceful and I want to join it.   
  
"Usa, I still...you can tell me."   
  
I laugh. "You still what? Love me? Only if you did then I'd tell you. But if you did, I wouldn't have such horrible thoughts."   
  
"What kind of thoughts? Did you have a weird dream or something?"   
  
"Yeah... the past two nights. I know that's it going to come true. I can feel it."   
  
"Will you tell me what you saw?"   
  
The tears started coming again. I couldn't hold them back. "Okay, so I know the first part isn't coming true... We were getting married when all of the sudden, the ground began to shake and I was being pulled away from you. I heard a voice tell us that if we were together I would die."   
  
Mamoru exhaled sharply. "That's the same dream I had...why I broke up with you. I *do* still love you, Usako. I did it because I couldn't bear the thought of you being hurt."   
  
"N-nani?" I looked up at him and could tell he was telling the truth. "Mamo-chan..."   
  
As we leaned in for a kiss, we didn't notice some kids who were playing near us. Suddenly, I felt someone push into me and I was flying off the bridge... and into the water.   
  
"Usako!"   
  
I hit the water, which was cold, with a splash. I couldn't tell which way was up and I couldn't hold my breath much longer. Finally, I felt strong arms around my waist and realized that Mamo-chan was helping me to the surface.   
  
Eventually, I was on the ground again, this time sputtering and coughing up water. "Daijobou, Usako?"   
  
"H-hai..." I loooked at him, my bottom lip trembling. "Mamo-chan!" I cried, throwing my arms around him.   
  
"Usako. I'm glad that I have you back."   
  
"I've missed you so much," I whisper. The wind is picking up and I start to shiver.   
  
"Let's get you home, so you can get warm." Mamoru gasped as he noticed the red mark. "Usako, what did you do?"   
  
"Nani?" Oh, I had forgotten about that... "I klutzed out, as usual..."   
  
"Usako...that doesn't look accidental...please don't ever hurt yourself..."   
  
He helped me up and I decided to tell him everything. "Mamo-chan, there's some things that I want to talk to you about. Can we go to your apartment?"   
  
"Alright."   
  
***********   
  
After we arrived at Mamo-chan's apartment and I got some dry clothes and a cup of hot chocolate, we sat together on the couch. I cleared my throat. "Ne, I'll understand if you decide to leave me after I tell you this. I know I'm a handful and annoying and hard to look after."   
  
"It can't be that bad."   
  
With a slight nod, I began. "It all started with Haruna-sensei talking about the Cherry Blossom Fesitval..."   
  
I finally came up to the point I was dreading. "Last night I felt so scared and alone... No one seems to care much about me. I haven't seen my friends in a long time and they haven't bothered to come see me. This cut..." I showed him again. "You were right, I did it. I was thinking about cutting a bit more to the left, but figured I'd give myself one more day, just to see if things would change...   
  
"Well, I ran into Ami-chan. She only now just asked me if I was doing all right. I ran off to the bridge and I was going to jump..."   
  
I kept my eyes averted from Mamo-chan's gaze. "Usako...you're not talentless...you're special. Maybe you can't share your talent with everyone, but you don't need to. I *know* you're special."   
  
I still couldn't bring myself to look at him. I don't think what he's saying is true.   
  
Mamoru lifted my chin with a finger. "Usako, you *are* special."   
  
And that made me smile. I could see so much love in his eyes. And truth... I hugged him tightly. "Arigatou, Mamo-chan!"   
  
Mamoru hugged back. "I"m glad I can make you feel better."   
  
  
^^^^END FLASHBACK^^^^  
  
****************   
  
^^^^PRESENT^^^^  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Cherry Blossom Talent Show!"   
  
I sighed backstage. No one had said a word to me all day. I think it was because they were all busy practicing or something. I still can't believe Mamo-chan convinced me to do this...   
  
I can hear it now: "Did you know Tsukino-san SANG! How sad can you get!" and "She sucks big time!"   
  
I smack myself. I really need to get my self-esteem up...   
  
Reality came crashing down when Haruna-sensei told me I was up next. That was fast! I'm suppose the be the last to go. I shrugged.  
  
Finally, it was time and nervously stepped onto the stage. I saw my parents with Chibiusa and Shingo as well as Minako-chan and Rei-chan in the audience. I'm half surprised that Rei-chan didn't force her way onto the stage.   
  
I heard the music start and began to sing...   
  
There are somethings I can't see in this world   
No, it's just the wind blowing around me   
This dream I wanna wake up from right now   
Seems awfully real, making my skin crawl in fear   
  
Ah... what kind of evil things are happening?   
There wasn't a sign telling of danger ahead   
My mouths becoming dry and inside my heart I'm so cold   
  
What a scary fog is setting in   
All alone in the mists, ghosts are chasing me round and round   
What a scary dream this is becoming   
There's unexpected fright around each and every corner   
I wanna leave! I wanna leave this frightening dream behind   
Come on, dream! Disappear! Come on, dream! Just go away!   
  
Ahh... I need my beloved man now   
To take me far, far away from this horrible place   
Filled with anxieties dark clouds seem like they're coming to get me!   
  
What a scary night it's becoming   
Only I have no idea what's there   
What a scary dream its becoming   
Again my chest is pounding and pounding with fright   
I wanna leave, I wanna leave this big ominous dream behind!   
This dream will for sure, go away when the morning comes!   
  
When I finished, everyone cheered. I couldn't believe how well I did. I smiled and bowed, thanking everyone, then ran off stage.   
  
After much deliberation, Haruna announced. "The winner of this year's talent show is...Tsukino-san!"   
  
My eyes widened. I couldn't believe it! "Well, get your award, Usagi-chan!" Mako-chan said, shoving me onto the stage.   
  
I finally stepped up to Haruna-sensei and she handed me an award.   
  
"Congratulations!" she said, beaming. "You really deserved it."   
  
"I-I don't know what to say! I can't believe it!"   
  
"Way to go, Usagi-chan!" Ami cheered.   
  
This was truly wonderful, but I still felt like something wasn't right... I looked at Ami, then Makoto. I spotted Rei and Minako in the audience. They were smiling and clapping... for me! Everyone in the entire room was clapping for me! I never thought I'd ever feel this good about myself... but I do. 


End file.
